Here in Boulder, CO the air and light have begun the annual shift into crisp nights, shorter days, and sparkling foliage. On September 22 we mark the fall equinox as the first day of this glorious season and we begin our decent into the blanket of winter. It is an extremely charged time of year with tremendous transformative power. The combination of the fall equinox, Navratri; the Hindu holiday celebrating the goddess, and Rosh Hashanah; the Jewish New Year ushers in a timely pause in our year. In the pause we can look deeply at the year past -- at the seeds we planted long ago last year in the dead of winters frozen eve. We also celebrate the gifted bounty of nature and the manifestation of those previously planted intentions. For me this time of year holds a special significance as the day my heart was literally and metaphorically cracked open. Today is my Re-birth Day.
My actual birthday is in April. April 9th to be exact, so please mark your calendars. I also recommend noting that I am an Aries, and yes the stereotypes are true and it really doesn’t help matters that the rest of my chart is mostly fire and air so I caution you always in dealing with this ram Proceed at your own risk!!!
Three years ago today I was almost killed an automobile accident (pause for gasp and reaction...) the key word here is ALMOST. Phew, glad I missed that train for now. It was Friday the 21st of September, a full moon, the night of the fall equinox, and the first night of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. Driving home from a family dinner gathering to celebrate the holiday, the car went off the road and…
Well you know what, the details of the story and the injuries resulting from being the passenger of the vehicle are just that…a Story. Those details hold no meaning inherently on their own and after countless retellings of the event both out loud and in my head in some desperate attempt at trying to understand and make a meaning of sorts I have discovered that reliving the event itself this way is sort of, well, meaning-less. In actively living a life that I wish to be meaning-full I have decided that this day, the fall equinox day, is my Re-Birth Day.
Not only does it have a much sweeter ring than The-Day-I-Almost-Died, which quite frankly insinuates a “woe is me” attitude that in the end only produces more pain and suffering, but it also celebrates the real nectar I have acquiesced from the event that permeates and sweetens many aspects of my life…on the yoga mat, off the yoga mat, in the grocery store, in graduate school, in teaching, in interpersonal relations, and the list could go on. The truth of the matter is that this event cracked me wide open, both literally and metaphorically. The truth is that the event changed my life. The truth is that the “accident” was not so accidental. In fact, it has been the catalyst for the complete restructuring not only of my bones but for my inner world that has so rightfully chosen to participate in this outer world and to participate fully now imbued with grace.
As I mentioned earlier, I have in the past had difficulty with this super-charged time of year. I know the fall equinox is approaching as well as Rosh Hashanah and instead of being joyful for the start of my favorite season (every season is my favorite season) I become contracted physically and mentally. As I begin to recount the event in my head and the “unfairness” about being the passenger injured in such a stupid misjudgment, my body remembers the physical pain and I end up feeling almost immobilized by the visceral memory of these bodily injuries.
Nothing in the universe is fair or moral. In fact, there is no inherent morality within the universe at all. (Pause again for reaction of eyes widening and fists preparing for tantrum like screaming) Now don’t run from the computer screen screaming or punch anything. This idea, which I learned from my beloved philosophy teacher, is such a good concept. Believing in the absence of inherent morality clears the way for an experience of freedom! We are free to make our own morality, to make our own meaning. The universe is the manifestation of pure creative energy or Shakti. Since this energy is completely unbounded and free…stuff happens. If “stuff” stopped happening, if the universe stopped acting out its creative potential through the manifestation of this thing we call our world, life as we know it, the world as we know it, would stop. The only way that the world exists is through the unbounded creative potential continually and repeatedly manifesting itself into being. This is the play of consciousness, the dance of Siva and Shakti that perhaps you have heard your local friendly anusarain (I think I just made up that word) speaking.
To throw another log on this mental bonfire (in true Aries fashion no doubt) let me also simply state why the universe bothers to create itself in the first place. I mean really, all this energy could just stay still and not create anything at all right? Well my friends, my dearest loves and fellow upa devas, the creative energy perpetuates itself through this process of continual manifestation for YOU! To quote Douglas Brooks “You are the point the universe is trying to make.” The only meaning within the universe itself is the meaning you choose to bring. It is through living your life, making your actions, thinking your thoughts and manifesting your power of the creative energy you hold that meaning to this world is given.
Simply put, you are the meaning. You are a microcosm of the macrocosm in this way. The same pulsation of creative potential and impetus held in the grand universal framework, is also contained within you. The gift of being a soul dressed in body clothes is that you have inherent forms to express your power. You have a thinking and feeling brain which allows you to produce a myriad of ideas all in some way a smaller, more limited and directed form of pure consciousness of Siva. Your arms and legs, hands and feet allow you to make action in the world to literally construct and tease out in form this power. Your tongue has the power to uplift or destroy with a single word or phrase -- to make love or hate. Never underestimate the shakti in your words lovelies. You have a heart and also a gut instinct that allows you to experience the full spectrum of emotions and you have the freedom to name those emotions as you see fit. (man, this being dressed up as a human being is a lot of work!) So if you want your life to be meaning-full, make it so.
My hope is that you are beginning to see that we do not need to be unnecessary victims to the infinite power of the universe by reveling in the pain of being smashed in a car, hating the world because we get sick or injured, or enraged because we experience unnecessary racism. We are imbued with our own human dose of universal power and creative force, which we can use to make life-affirming meaning in our lives. It is up to us to make the celebrations and acknowledgments we seek. It is our responsibility to fill the world with love. It is in our power to eliminate pain and suffering.
The fall equinox marks literally when the sun and moon stand over the equator in balance -- a pause -- that after which we begin to experience (in this hemisphere anyway) the season of fall. When events happen in our lives such as the case in my car crash experience, they provide us with a moment of pause. they usher in a change of seasons in our heart and in our visceral being. Essentially these events are the equinox of the heart of our human being. They bring about a momentary balance between our own infinite creative power to react and the universe’s infinite ability to act. These events are the internal equinox at the equator of our human form, the place where earth meets sky, our heart.
The meaning we often seek can more readily be found within these moments of pause and places of balance. This is a most auspicious day for both the inner and outer worlds. Today I invite you to take pause. What parts of you are in full harvest and can be celebrated? What parts of you are ready to be composted into the rich soil of the earth? Can you find a place of internal pause right at your equator and just for a moment feel your potential and creativity standing in harmonious balance with the shakti that breathes this world anew each day? Lovely ones, Happy Fall Equinox!!!
